The Dark Side of Cyber Monitoring a Partner - Psychology Today

The Dark Side of Cyber Monitoring a Partner - Psychology Today

Digital Surveillance and Domestic Violence


As a career prosecutor, I have handled domestic violence cases for over two decades.  What has evolved over that time is not the prevalence of abuse—but the manner in which it is pursued.  Technology has created the opportunity for abusers to terrorize their victims from anywhere, creating an environment of omnipresent control. 


Technology is also used to monitor the movements, conversations, and activities of partners—with or without their consent.  This method of creating psychological control is particularly damaging within relationships where the parties have different levels of familiarity with technology. Tech savvy abusers exploit this lack of knowledge and proficiency.  


Some abusers “request” consent to share their partner´s email or social media accounts, or access their cell phone records or voice mailbox.  Particularly within relationships that already contain elements of unhealthy levels of control and power imbalance, even if they are not yet physically abusive, such boundary probing can be very destructive. Such “consent” is rarely given willingly, and handing over passwords under coercive circumstances creates a dynamic of fear and anxiety for victims who know an explosive partner is only looking for material to use to create allegations of impropriety.  


Other abusers don´t bother asking for permission; they proactively hack into a partner´s email, phone, or social medi ..

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